SEASIDE SUICIDE
- P.Krishnamoorthy
The setting sun had almost disappeared in the western skies leaving its gorgeous crimson trails as its parting gift for the day. Even in the crowded Juhu beach of Bombay, Shilpa and Sushil were able to find a quiet corner near a grounded fishing boat. The usual rendezvous was quite comfortable and assured privacy. While Shilpa was leaning on Sushil’s body dreaming their married life, her physical warmth was quite comforting to Sushil . He was upbeat in his unbounded imagination. He was head over heels in love with her. Shilpa broke the silence.
“Sushil! I don’t want you to play the hero’s role any more in the ‘Seaside Suicide’ play”.
“Why? You told me that you liked the play and people enjoyed it. There was a thunderous applause yesterday when I finished the play”. Sushil was more inquisitive to know her reason.
“Sushil. May be the play attracted audience; but not me. I could not stand the climax where you and Mala, the heroine, committing suicide as your proposal to get married falls through, for lack of parental consent on both sides. I don’t want you to die even in a role play. I strongly believe in instincts. Our lives are built on our thoughts. I recently read a book on palmistry, where the author explains that even the lines in the palm change as per one’s thoughts.” Shilpa was more imparting a voice of her own conviction.
“Shilpa! There was a good review about the play last week in a weekly magazine, high lighting the callousness of the elderly generation still clinging to the traditional blind faith of arranged marriages on astrological match, have been successful and not the preferred choices. They have highly reviewed my vivid portrayal of the main role with a strong note of social concern. Only with the present climax, the play had a strong and intense impact on the audience. If it was a happy ending, the play would have wallowed in soft focus. You should be more realistic in your thoughts. Life would always be with ups and downs. It is how we adjust to such situation that decides the happiness Sushil detailed his opinion. There was a sudden pause between them”. Only the tidal waves were breaking the silence..
“Sushil. I had enough of your philosophy. I am always an optimist looking things on the positive side. Promise me that you will not play that role any more” Shilpa meant in her words.
“I don’t mind making any promise for your sake; but have you at least made an effort to either directly or indirectly inform your parents of our mutual love and tried their consent for our marriage? I know your dad believes more in an arranged marriage. He is very particular about the antecedents of the bridegroom than his present status. He also strongly believes in the astrological match of the bride and the groom. In this background, I am very skeptical on your parents’ consent for our marriage. I think only my plan of ‘run away type’ would work. I am ready for it any time. I know my uncle also would not allow me to get married to my choice”.
“No Sushil. That should never happen. Somehow we have to convince them despite their resistance. I don’t believe in getting married without their blessings”.
“Shilpa, I would suggest your initiating it this evening itself with your parents and let me know how it goes.” After a responsive nod, Sushil dropped Shilpa near her home and left.
Shilpa pressed the doorbell. The nearby tower clock chimed ten. She was hoping that her father would be asleep by that time and only her mother would open the door. Alas! it was a disappointment. Only retired Col. Rajesh, her dad opened the door. Shilpa could see his grey moustache becoming stiffer along with his eyebrows raised at the sight of her. “Shilpa. You know what time is now? His gruff voice was more of a lion’s roar.
“Dad I was with my friend all evening, watching a movie in the video. She just dropped me in the corner now”. She was cool in her poignant response to avoid any escalation of his toughness.
“I was waiting for you the whole evening Shilpa. I wanted to talk to you something very important. This type of late coming everyday worries me very much. I am now retired and my health is not that all good to depend upon for anything. You know, I had a bypass surgery recently. It is my earnest desire that I should see you married before I die. In fact your mother and I were discussing about your marriage just now. My old friend Sharma who is now in Bangalore, was a long time associate to the old Maharajah of Mysore. He had been blessed with royal patronage including a big house, garden etc. in Bangalore. He has only one son who is also well settled after an excellent education. For the sake of our old time friendship, Sharma is keen to have his son married to you. Even many years before we both had an understanding on this. He would be very happy to finalize it now. I happened to check your horoscope with his son’s, yesterday with our family astrologer and they matched perfectly. This itself is a good sign and a providential direction for the wedding to take place. All that I need from you is your consent”. Col. Rajesh’s wishful look at Shilpa was quite an evidence of his eagerness for a positive response from her.
Shilpa was taken aback at this sudden turn of events. Initially she was planning to tell her parents about her choice on that evening as per her promise to Sushil. Now she felt it was not the appropriate time. “Dad ! What is the urgency for my marriage now? I need some more time to think about this. I could understand your anxiety. But I am sure nothing will happen to you. You will celebrate my wedding before your life time. All I need is some more time to think about your proposal. Please do not commit anything to your friend now”. Shilpa thought this way she could satisfy him tentatively with an option to work on her proposal later. But Col. Rajesh was persistently attempting to have Shilpa’s commitment for his proposition.
“Shilpa! You are not a young girl any more. From your evasive response I could perceive your reluctance to my choice. I only hope that you don’t have anything different and definite in your mind. I don’t like to go back on our word to Mr. Sharma and that has to go through at all costs. I am a person strongly believing in honoring commitments. They are from a very good family”. Col. Rajesh was in a quandary, for he never expected a defeat from Shilpa.
Though it was nearly five years since his retirement from the Army Division, Col. Rajesh still wanted his home to be a military regiment to ensure discipline and his words to be the gospel truth. Nirupama had been only a silent spectator since she stepped in Col. Rajesh’s abode as his wife four decades ago. The rule of a military discipline at home gave her little option except to keep silent on any issue, which was obviously a trade in for domestic peace. This time also, it was no different. But she rightly judged that Shilpa would not be accepting her dad’s proposal. She was only trying to buy time to come out with her choice later. Col. Rajesh was already feeling a sense of defeat at Shilpa’s stubborn attitude. He thought a sentimental strategy would convince her.
“Shilpa! I am not happy with your answer. Whatever we do for you is always to your happiness and prosperity. The so called ‘personal choice’ marriages have miserably failed in many instances. When the infatuation of the youth gradually fades, even the trivial differences turn out magnified to assume greater proportions, culminating in a rift between them. In this process, the concept of tolerance is often totally missed, leading to divorces. Arranged marriages based on astrological match guarantee a balance of ups and downs in life divided between the two through the pattern of planetary movements. Your mother and I got married through arranged process, and I don’t think neither I nor she had ever regretted it.” Nirupama reacted silently but sharply to this. “Dad ! I quite agree that what you do will always be for my happiness. Somehow I do not have any faith in the astrological approaches in life. I think I would prefer to leave the subject without any further discussions” This open-shut approach disturbed Col. Rajesh extensively.
Shilpa herself was surprised at her unprecedented boldness with which she reacted to her father. Col. Rajesh was shocked and surprised at her definite negative opinion on the traditional process. He could not control his emotions, as all these days, nothing was decided against his wishes, since he was wielding an authority even on personal matters of others. He was agitated more at the breaking of the traditional practices and cultural norms. On an impact he felt a mild tremor under his feet. Shilpa quietly walked out of the scene to her room while the parents looked at her stubbornness with extreme disappointment.
Shilpa called Sushil on the telephone. Sushil’s aunt answered the call. “Sushil. This call is for you”. As she was calling Sushil, she left the receiver on the table. Shilpa could hear the heated arguments exchanged between Sushil and his uncle, Verma. “Sushil. You are not deciding anything on your marriage. Traditionally we have been deciding this lifelong binding through astrological match and not just by meeting some body. We would ensure that the girl is from a good family without any encumbrances. Your choice should be only to see whether she is good looking. We would also be careful in selecting the girl who will be suitable to you in all respects”
“Uncle ! As this relates to my future life, I have every right to select whom I want, who had understood me and vice versa. I am sorry to differ with you on this issue. Believe me, this is my final decision”. Sushil was tough, clear and firm in his response. Shilpa’s face was quickly reflecting her happiness at Sushil’s strong conviction in driving his point home to his uncle.
“Sushil! This was the problem of allowing you to play the hero’s role in the “Seaside Suicide” drama. I know you want to get married to your heroin Mala. I saw her only once and she is no match to you. It is okay in the drama under powerful lights and cosmetic make-up, not in real life”. “Uncle I will tell you whom I going to marry at the appropriate time. But certainly the choice is mine and not astrology’s. I am going to live with her and not with the astrological planets”.“Sushil. I told you there is somebody on the telephone.” The aunt was interrupting and reminding him of the pending call. As Sushil picked up the phone, Shilpa conveyed her greetings. “Congratulations. Well done. Keep it up”. “What happened at your end dear?” Sushil’s voice was anxious and concerned. “The same bold stand I took with my dad. He was puzzled at my resistance. But I am sure this will go through well in our way as both sides faced the first defeat”.
Presuming that the overnight would have changed the condition to a cool temper from the last evening’s ideological war, she slowly came out of her room to the drawing hall. Col. Rajesh was smoking his first cigar of the day and the whole room smelled of the strong smoke. “Good morning Dad.” Shilpa was unpretentious in her greetings. Col. Rajesh was grim and his well expressed annoyance towards her was confirming that he was still sticking to his guns.
“Dad I said good morning” Shilpa indicated her indignation of his silence even to reciprocate the greetings.
“What is there for a good morning? Shilpa. I thought you are still the old young girl. I also thought that you will honor my commitments in my life. I and your mother brought you up with all freedom and conveniences which we could afford in our life. All the time our aim was that you should never feel unhappy and in that process, we have sacrificed our personal priorities to provide you everything you wanted. I don’t mean to ask you something in return; but as we have been doing everything for good for you, you should also have some concern for us. I would still insist you giving a serious thought about our position. I don’t even like to know who is your choice. But I would certainly like to honor my commitment.”
Following this after a little pause, Col. Rajesh used his trump card to influence her. “Shilpa. If anything happens to me in my trailing health which could be because of a stigma I would bear for default of my commitment, you would be responsible for it”. As he finished those strong words, Shilpa could see him sobbing and concealing his tears. Shilpa did not expect this emotional setback with him. But her resolve to stick to what she wanted did not change in any way even after the sentimental and melodrama piece. Instead, it provided her with a flash in her mind which she decided to use against him later. As she was pondering the next move. Sushil’s telephone call interrupted her thoughts.
“Shilpa! How did it go this morning”. “Status quo maintained. Any development in your home”
“Same here also. At least your dad talked to you. Both my uncle and aunt don’t even like to see my face or talk to me. I think we should meet this evening and decide our next move I have something in my mind. We will discuss that plan. I am sure that should work in our way”. Shilpa was smart enough to inform her parents that she has a birthday party to attend in her friend, Preeti’s place that evening.
The usual meeting venue in Juhu beach was welcoming the young lovers. This time it was early evening and the sun was quite a witness to their intimate conversations. “Sushil! It is time for us to provide an alternate to our people to make them accept our proposal. Can you think of anything on those lines?” “Shilpa. My choice is just simple. The‘run-away type. It hurts me too. Just to leave them for all they have done for us in our lives so far. But we have very little choice” Sushil finished his part. “I had a flash of a new idea when my dad told me that I may have to marry somebody only over his dead body”. “That was too much for him to say, Shilpa” Sushil was voicing his concern.
“Sushil. It is a struggle in both sides when this issue comes for a decision. The generation gap between our elders and us sharply divide us on this issue. Somehow we have to resolve this. The options left open are two. We part as friends and get married as per our elders’ choice; or without any concern to them, go forward in the life stream together. But I have a novel idea to solve this and I feel it is worth trying it”. “I quiet understand your point. But what is your funny plan?”
“My dad was referring to his death. I know he was using that trump card to get me on sentimental side so that I would agree for his proposal. Why not we use the same trump card against him and in your home too”|. “I don’t understand your whole plan Shilpa”.’ “It is simple. As you have been playing the role of a frustrated lover in the “Seaside suicide” play and finally resorting to suicide along with your drama beloved, we would just give our people a shock treatment of committing suicide. We would leave a note in either home to this effect. This will certainly create a sense of compassion in them for us and would agree to our proposal. Even if my dad and your uncle don’t yield to this, my mother’s and your aunt’s pressure on them would certainly make the difference”.
Sushil had a hearty laugh at the plan and uttered a cryptic remark: This is reminiscent of cinematic credibility”. “Shilpa. Think about the other side. If they don’t change in their decision and just leave us away, our alternative is just leave our homes which we could straightaway do it”. “Sushil, I am a strong believer in instincts and I have a hunch that this would certainly work in our way. Only the logistics for the plan should be thoroughly finalized so that by any slip up we would not become a laughing stock. I don’t mean that we should really commit suicide. But there should be a very deceptive realism in the whole scenario”.
“In my home, I am sure on seeing the note, immediately my parents will call my friend Preeti , as they know we are close to each other. We would brief her with our plan; but she would tell them that both of us were planning to go to Juhu beach that evening. I am sure based on her reply they would rush to the beach. We should wait for their arrival. As we could see their coming in from a distance we would start our acting part of going into the sea for committing suicide. I am sure they will stop us at that time and agree to our proposal”. Shilpa’s confidence of her plan was convincing,. Similarly, Ranjit, Sushil’s close associate would be counterpart of Preeti to help them out. They decided the next day evening as an auspicious time to execute their plan of suicide.
The whole night both Shilpa and Sushil were restless in their homes. Shilpa could see the early morning sun into her room making it brighter. She was contemplating as to how to start the ‘suicide note’. She had a strange feeling when she started the suicide note. It would declare an eternal separation from her parents and she could not even imagine the parental emotional reactions, in particular of her mother. But she reconciled to the fact that the proposed ‘suicide’ is a fake and not real one. She finally wrote the ‘note” after several rehearsals.
Dear Dad and Mom,
With all my reluctance and regret I am writing this note to you.
I do not want to go against your wishes; but at the same time I am not happy over my choice without your blessings. The only option left for me at this time, is to end myself so that, because of me, dad will not become a defaulter of his commitment to his friend. On this score, he need not also live with a kind of stigma for the rest of his life. I am ending my life on my own freewill and there was nobody responsible for it. With full consent of my conscience, I am doing this. Please do not try to stop me from doing this. Your loving daughter, Shilpa
Ön completion of the note she was relieved as it was conveying what she wanted. A similar note was prepared by Sushil. Both the homes witnessed strange behaviors of the two involved, as they were totally detached in their talk, depressed in their moods, nonchalant for any interrogations. Shilpa went out and called Preeti from a payphone and informed her of their plans. She was startled even at hearing it. After extensive explanations, she was convinced. It would certainly be just acting and nothing real. Preeti also assured her that she would stay home at that time so that they would not miss her. They were happy to get a similar support from Ranjit also.
For Shilpa it was just a strange experience of fear and hope. Fear in the perception that if anything misfires in her calculation during this drama, it would cast a heavy stigma for the rest of her life. Hope, in the sense that she would have a married life with Sushil with the blessings of her parents. The puzzle of where to keep the ‘suicide note’ for her parents to see without fail still confused her. She hatched a plan for this note. After lunch, Col. Rajesh would always take a nap for two to three hours every day. She knew before taking the nap he used to keep his eye-glasses near the small Buddha statue on the side table. She thought it was ideal to keep the note on the side table and under his spectacles so that when he wakes up from the nap, he would pick up his eye glasses when he would see the note. It was already 12.oo noon at that time and she had to wait for at least one hour. Sushil also agreed for a similar process as his uncle also had the same routine in the afternoon.
As the time passed, she became totally restless as her dad was on the telephone for long with his friend. Indirectly she told “Dad, I am hungry. Why don’t you come for lunch now.” At her instance, he finished his conversation and joined her for the lunch. Col. Rajesh went into his bedroom for a nap. Shilpa, though was watching the TV, had her concentration only on her dad’s room. She ensured that the handwritten note was with her and waiting for the moment to put into the place. It was a favorable coincidence, her mother too, after her kitchen work, returned to the reclining chair for a nap. When she could hear the dad’s snoring, Shilpa believed that all were set providentially for their plan. She quietly called Sushil and informed the developments at her end. Sushil also confirmed things were working out to their favor in his home and after some time, he would come and pick her up in a cab at the end of the street and wanted her to be ready there.
Shilpa looked at her parents. She was feeling heavy in her heart on the parting. Her initial enthusiasm to carry out the mockery suicide plan was waning slowly, as the emotional side of her mind took control of her. May be her new life with Sushil would be happy, but, the present parting from her parents was quite a test to her. To make a quick decision, she was weighing the pros and cons of her agreeing to her parents’ choice and her own. He choice tilted the scale and now she decided to leave. She could still feel the tears gathering in her eyes at her leaving them; she touched the feet of her parents quietly to bid farewell. She kept her suicide note under her father’s spectacles, picked up her bag and quietly walked out of the home. At the end of the road, Sushil was waiting in a cab and she joined him.
It was already four in the evening when they arrived in the beach. Their usual place was vacant and hardly people were around. . There was a heavy overcast and they had apprehension whether there would be a celestial intervention with a downpour which would mar their plan. However optimistic they were, a sort of guilt prevailed in them. Shilpa broke the silence. “Sushil! I am getting worried now.” “Shilpa ! For what?”
“Sushil. For some reason if our people don’t turn up at the beach even after contacting Preeti and Ranjit, we cannot go back home. Then…..” She wanted Sushil to complete the rest. “Shilpa. Don’t worry. The alternative is there to stay overnight with my friend in Dadar.” “Okay. The night will go. But afterwards……? “Tomorrow is yet another day Shilpa. We will cross the bridge when we reach that point. Something would have been destined for us”.
The clouds started gathering heavily, making the sun totally eclipsed. The waves were rough and powerful. Both Shilpa and Sushil decided to have a rehearsal of their climax. With all apprehensions, they were also confident that both her parents and his uncle and aunt would be coming down to the beach as per Preeti’s direction. When they come, the plan was that Sushil and Shilpa would make a move towards the sea in a bid to commit suicide when they would be stopped by them. This would be followed with a reconciliation scene and consent for their marriage. Shilpa and Sushil wanted to test the waters for the depth. They felt they could handle it without any problem. It was getting dark further and the drizzle played games with the beads of the setting sun. The relentless roar of the waves was more powerful. There was a sudden lightning followed by mild thunder, heralding the heavy downpour to follow. It was already six in the evening and around that time only, they were expecting the visitors. They were right.
The blue car of Col. Rajesh was speeding towards the beach from the main road. Shilpa recognized their car. This was followed by another vehicle which Sushil recognized as theirs. Now things should move as they were planned. This meant that the suicide notes were rightly picked up b both the families. The cars stopped at the entrance of the beach and both the families got down and rushed towards the beach. Both Shilpa and Sushil moved into the sea swiftly to enact the suicide part. . “Shilpa! Don’t do that. We are agreeable for your choice. Please stop”. She could hear her parents’ voices together. Following this, Sushil's uncle and aunt made a similar plea in unequivocal terms. Shilpa and Sushil could hear their repeated plea as they were coming towards them.
After a lightning, when Sushil and Shilpa were in the sea, there was a torrential downpour. Col. Rajesh was repeating his request to return followed by Varma’s, reaffirming their consent to the young couple. Sushil and Shilpa were jubilant at accomplishing the consent of the elders for their marriage. Rejoicing their triumph, they were returning to the shore. Suddenly there was a high tide from the sea, engulfed and dragged them into the sea. Both were struggling to retrieve themselves from the high tide. But they were overpowered by the wave and pulled them into the sea. Any amount of screaming by both for help was futile as the people from the shore could not even go into the sea due to the heavy rain and continuous high tides. After brave efforts, Shilpa was dazed and fainted. Sushil held Shilpa strongly and continued his struggle to reach the shore. Another successive tide got them again and hauled them into the sea. As Sushil was totally exhausted, he gave up and he also fainted.
Col. Rajesh and Nirupama could not bear the sight of the duo getting drowned. Verma and his wife were sobbing at the scene of Sushil’s struggle in the sea. They all could only pray for their safe return as the persisted rains at torrential pitch and the rough sea prevented them from any rescue operation. They were also sure that both would be drowned soon. The mockery suicide was to end in a real one. It was a tragedy when they got the elders consent for their life partnership, they were not going to be alive to live through. It was an intense scene with all eyes focused in the sea with screams of sorrow at the drowning of the couple. In seconds, there was another forceful wave from the mid sea pushed both alive towards the shore.
When Sushil and Shilpa regained consciousness, they realized that they were in a nursing home surrounded by their relatives and friends. “Dad, I am sorry for all this confusion. I could no help you in honoring your commitment to your friend as I wanted to get married to Sushil. We thought at least in death we could be united.” Shilpa signaled Sushil with a sarcastic smile on the irony of her statement. “No. Shilpa. You are wrong. I would still honor my commitment to my friend. Sushil is none but my friend Sharma’s only son. I just came to know about this through his uncle when we were coming here.” Verma smiled at both and nodded his affirmation of that relationship. Supporting this, the music of wedding bells from a nearby temple promptly endorsed their new married life.
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