“LIVING TOGETHER”

P. Krishnamoorthy

With two weeks to go before her graduation, Sheila, a graduate student at Loyola University in Chicago, was recollecting her memories of the past four years. She was very excited and exuberant when she landed on American soil. As time passed, she was feeling lonely when she got the friendship of Pradhan, another only Indian student. With his acquaintance, she would forget her loneliness in his company.  In the college campus interview, she and Pradhan were offered positions in a leading pharmaceutical company in Chicago. The formal friendship between them became so close, they were leading a life on a ‘living together’ basis. Both liked this type of living, since it offered a lot of opportunities to understand each other’s choices - tastes, temperament, reactions to serious issues, crisis management, attitudes, give-and-take policy, etc. After one year, they were serious about becoming legal life partners. Tentatively they agreed to get married in the summer in Sheila’s hometown of Bangalore, India. As a sudden development, the company wanted Pradhan to proceed to Germany initially for a year to reorganize their operations. Because of this, both decided to postpone their wedding until next year. 

The concept of living together had its initial test through temporary separation. The ‘philosophy’ of understanding each other in trying times of issues had been lost in that one year. During this gap of separation, the conspiracy of circumstances played a part in ending their partnership. 

After the departure of Pradhan, on the next day, Sheila got a call from her father in Bangalore that her mother was critically ill due to a heart attack and her dying wish to see her in person. Sheila took the evening flight to Bangalore, leaving a message to Pradhan about the emergency and her travel. 

At the hospital, all the kith and kin were there waiting for Sheila’s arrival. On arrival, she was rushed to the hospital. As a special case, she was allowed to see her mother. When she was told that Sheila had come, she gradually opened her eyes and recognized her daughter. Sheila broke down on seeing her at that stage. Sheila’s father later informed her that her last wish was to get her married as promised to her distant relative’s son, Deepak, who was also present there.  The dying mother held the hands of Deepak and Sheila and blessed them as married couple and breathed her last. 

Deepak, a smart young man in his thirties, was employed as an executive in a multinational pharmaceutical firm in Bangalore.  At the sight of Sheila, Deepak was impressed with her personality.  Sheila was in a predicament to choose between Pradhan and Deepak, as she was ‘living together’ with Pradhan for nearly two years. Now she had to accept Deepak as her husband as promised to her mother’s dying wish.

Again, the concept of ‘living together’ was under a test.  Sheila and Pradhan had given up their ego, selfish preferences, possessiveness, old attitudes and compromising themselves in various other matters. They were now ready for a recognized ‘wedding’.  With the new development of the emotional environment in the mother-daughter relationship that ended in a very strong sentimental scenario, the ‘living together’ concept finally had to give up for the emotions and sentiments of relationship. 

Pradhan came to Bangalore from Germany for his sister, Asha’s wedding. By this opportunity, he had all hopes to meet Sheila, though she maintained total silence towards him.  Fate played again its game through Dinesh, the bridegroom fixed for Asha. He was informed by his parents that his marriage had a precondition from Dinesh that Pradhan should marry Sharmila, his younger sister.  With the pressure brought on Pradhan by his parents, relatives and in the absence of any details about Sheila, he finally agreed, and both the weddings were celebrated.

After the lunch session, Pradhan was recollecting his old memories of ‘living together’ with Sheila and how the scenario took different dimensions to the present situation.  Unexpectedly to his surprise, he saw Sheila entering the marriage hall with her son Sunil, a cute boy of four, along with a very smart young man, her husband. On seeing Pradhan, Sheila congratulated him on his marriage and introduced Deepak and Sunil to him.  She explained to him the circumstances leading to her marriage to Deepak. Pradhan was overpowered with feelings of obvious disappointment. With animosity dominating him, he asked for some personal details from Deepak.  Sheila was patiently listening to their conversation. She did observe frustration all over Pradhan’s face with the recent developments.  

Pradhan was recollecting his efforts to give up his personal choices for Sheila during their ‘living together’ life. He was rewinding the numerous compromises he made for her sake. As his frustration   continued to dominate in him, he finally decided to ask Deepak the most embarrassing question. Before he started his query, Sheila intervened and enquired Pradhan about his favorite golf game. Pradhan narrated his recent achievement of the championship in the Laker’s Golf Tournament in Germany. There was a pause in their conversations. Deepak was accompanying his son to the restroom. As both were alone, Sheila and Pradhan looked at each other seriously for a few minutes. Pradhan broke the silence by asking Sheila whether she was happy with Deepak. By the time Sunil and Deepak came back from the restroom.

There was irony in his tone when enquiring about her life with Deepak. She was annoyed at him at that query before Deepak. She said my evidence of happiness with Deepak was in the shape of Sunil. This was her apt answer to Pradhan’s query. Pradhan further asked her whether she could remember the compatibility moments and relative compromises between them during ‘living together’.  

Sheila explained that though compatibility was the cardinal principle for ‘living together’, in life there were many more elements beyond human control that could not be compatible under ‘living together’. One such element was the sentimental inner emotions between inseparable relationships like mother and children. When this element had to decide over personal issues, compatibility criteria would disappear.

Deepak was a silent spectator throughout with an informal smile.  Unable to control his desperation, finally Pradhan asked Deepak the embarrassing question - whether he was aware of Sheila’s ‘living together’ with him for a couple of years before the marriage.  On finishing the question his face had a triumphant smile and his mind was relieved from all tensions. He was also eager to get a reply from him.  Sheila was taken aback at Pradhan’s humiliating enquiry.  Despite her telling him the circumstances under which she married Deepak to fulfill her promise to her dying mother, Pradhan was still intensely possessive of Sheila, which induced him to raise that query to Deepak. 

While the concept of ‘Living together’ before marriage enables couples to vet one another’s compatibility, particularly in possessive attitudes, it would take a ‘back seat’ when circumstances force a situation of emotional sentiments based on blood relationship. 

Sheila was compelled to provide a strong response to Pradhan.  With a rejoinder, she asked Pradhan a similar humiliating query - whether he knew Sharmila was ’living together’ with Deepak for more than a year before her marriage. On hearing this Pradhan got devastated. He looked dazed. He felt a big blow on his head and the world collapsed into pieces. He was paid back by his own coin. 

The ‘living together’ between Deepak and Sharmila was broken due to an astrological prediction that if they get married, one of them would meet a tragedy in the death of the other in an accident. Both had agreed on the astrological prediction as it was a unanimous one from different well-known pundits. In this instance ‘living together’ had another setback as the astrological predictions overpowered the concept, as nobody would like to take the risk of death.