A CONFLICT OF CULTURES
- P.Krishnamoorthy
The ‘war of words’ came to an end with a tentative break arrived at between Suresh and his wife, Sheila over a sentimental issue of a relationship. This abrupt interruption and provisional truce were mainly due to the entry of Suresh’s father, Aditya Sarma after his evening walk. The couple had determined not to disclose to him about the issue they had discussed. The bone of contention between the couple protracted for quite some time without an end; but undoubtedly it was taking a toll in their married life. While Suresh, as a husband was strongly inclined to keep his wedding intact without break, on the contrary Sheila was bent upon demanding her ‘pound of flesh’ of divorce or an agreement on an alternative.
Having born in Germany when her father served in Indian Embassy and later moved to India after his retirement, Sheila had her Masters in Banking and joined a multi-national bank. Sheila and Suresh were working together in the same bank that paved the way to become a married couple. Pradeep, now a teen-aged boy was their lone son. Suresh, the only son of Aditya Sarma, brilliant in his academics and athletics, was brought up by his father since he was three years old when Sarma became a widower. A retired government official, he was well known as a strict disciplinarian and a devoted traditionalist. Suresh’s upbringing by him from childhood with traditional and cultural values infused positive attitudes in him. Suresh also complied with his father’s various traditional dictums. Sarma felt very happy in Suresh following his footsteps till his marriage with Sheila.
As a customary tradition, on the first day of Sheila’s entry into Suresh’s abode as the bride, , Sarma wanted her to step into the house with her right foot first. Sheila negatived to follow the customary tradition as she belonged to the anti-traditionalists. Further, she questioned whether the westerners follow any such tradition, and still, they were all well off. This incident was a great shock to Sarma. Suresh was helpless and to avoid embarrassment, allowed Sheila to enter as she wished. Sarma felt this as a personal initial defeat to him before the guests.. Strange sadness shot up in him as he was connecting the dots. He was worried about his future status in the family during interactions with Sheila. He was earlier hoping to convert Sheila gradually to his traditionalism doctrine. When Suresh questioned her later on her blunt reply to his father before many witnesses, an instant reply came from her as ‘courage of conviction’. She also elucidated its meaning “to act or behave in accordance with one’s beliefs or ideologies”. This incident clearly further manifested Sheila’s staunch anti-traditionalist idealogy. Both the son and father were disappointed by her behavior. But they consoled their regrets under the pretext that she was born and grew up in foreign soil.
Time and again, Sarma and Suresh passionately argued the benefits of following traditions, as they evolved various disciplinary codes for daily life. They also reiterated that those codes would ensure an individual not to be distracted over evil deeds and things. Such codes also helped to regulate one’s personal health besides developing positive attitudes. Such traditional practices were evolved over a protracted period by the elders, and passed on to successive generations, Even with all these substantive instances of traditionalisms, Sheila was refusing to get convinced.
On the contrary, Sheila’s counter arguments were based on comparing with the western world, where no one believes in traditional practices in daily life. Still, they were all successful in life. According to her, these traditional practices had their origin with the various religions over an extended period with varied changes to adapt themselves for each generation. Superstition was the mainstay of traditional customs.’ Superstition was always the antithesis of wisdom’. The religious codes were laid down in scriptures just for their sustained survival. With the inroads of globalization, the planet earth was shrunk and brought into the living rooms. The living standards were also influenced by western and other concepts. With the development of various technologies including extensive information technology, people were questioning the compatibility of traditional practices with practical living. Still Sheila’s stubbornness and determination in believing that ideology remained strong in spite of various counter-arguments put forth to convince her.
Sarma gave up his efforts to convert Sheila from anti-traditionalism due to the backdrop of her birth and brought up in a foreign country. Instead, he was concentrating his efforts on Pradeep as he was born in Indian culture. In his eagerness, he was more pressuring him in his attempts. His efforts later proved counterproductive due to Sheila’s influence on Pradeep very strongly. As a teenager, he liked the western and modern ways of living. With access to all video games and ultra-modern technological playing gadgets, he became an addict to them, thereby totally neglecting his studies. He was only an average student in his class. His pastime was always in street gangs and teasing the girls. He always made fun of the traditional practices at home and branded them as a waste of time and money. These resulted in frequent heated arguments between father and son. On such occasions. Suresh had the support of his father to suppress Pradeep’s viewpoints. He was recollecting the words “We are an unusual last generation who had to listen to the parents and also the first to listen to the children”
It was a rainy night. Pradeep came home past midnight. He was staggering due to excessive drinking at a party. Responding to the doorbell, Sheila opened the door. She was shocked to see him like that. However motherly affection escorted him to his bed. Suresh and Sarma were also witnessing the scene from their beds. The next morning Suresh started the inquiry process of the previous night’s episode. Sheila supported Pradeep saying he attended only a birthday party of his close friend where the fruit juices and other beverages were served. Some mischief monger in the gathering secretly mixed alcohol in Pradeep’s drink and that was how he became a victim of circumstances. Even when the investigation was going on, Pradeep looked dazed and depressed. Suresh and Sarma were not accepting this ridiculous story. They confirmed that Pradeep deliberately consumed alcohol. They were only hoping that he was not in any drug-addict group!
The continued exchange of arguments between the two sides created more animosity among the family members. Sheila felt Sarma’s interference in Pradeep’s activities, impacted Pradeep severely to depression. This led him to decide to live separately in a hostel. Sheila was not willing to let Pradeep go alone; instead, she suggested she would also move with Pradeep. This may eventually end up in a division and consequent divorce between Sheila and Suresh. Sheila offered another alternative of her father-in-law moving to a senior citizen home, thereby save their marriage. She was insisting on her ‘pound of flesh’ in the terms of the deal. Finally, with all reluctance Suresh had to accept the deal to save his marriage and also avoid parting of his wife and son The entire conversation was overheard by Sarma.
Having failed to transform Sheila and Pradeep to traditional ideologies, Sarma thought a fusion of two ideologies, would solve the present deadlock. This would bring a balance by which their confrontations in daily life could be avoided. But to accomplish this, Sarma realized, to arrive at a compromise, either side should be convinced of favorable elements in traditional values as also the instant access to information and immediate transferring advantage in modern concepts. But there was a hurdle in trying a fusion. The traditional values and practices were only the legacies passed on to successive generations. The impact of such legacies was only felt only in following them sincerely. There was no means of monitoring them for results. Again these traditional values were mostly divine based. During those generations, they were not confronted or questioned but accepted by society on a divine basis. With the inroads of technological developments, the utility of modern concepts was monitored and analyzed for practical living. Divinity and technology were treated by society as separate entities.Sarma regretted his failed efforts to transform Pradeep with the ideological complexities. Aa the optimism nose-dived, the show-down finally appeared as an ultimatum. Before Suresh conveyed the delicate decision to his father, he himself offered to move to a senior citizen home thereby the family could be spared from a split. Only Suresh had to make a compromise in life.
Admission process and other formalities were completed with ‘New Hope Living” a senior-citizen home combined with an orphanage. Sarma, after bidding farewell to Sheila and Pradeep, looked up the house in tears where he lived for more than forty years. They arrived at ‘New Hope Living’. Suresh was dead against these elder homes, for, according to him, they only encourage the younger generation to ensure their elders to live there, so that they could be free from taking care of them. Both Suresh and Sarma were in tears before separation. Their eyes spoke their sentiments in silent language, recollecting the erstwhile years. Then Sarma was taken into the complex by the manager.
As Suresh was exiting the premises, he felt a hand patted on his shoulder from his back. He turned and saw an old man, an inmate of the Home. He introduced himself as an old-time pal of his father. His words “finally you admitted your father in the same complex, from where you hailed from”. On hearing this, he felt a tremor under his feet and a heavy blow on his head. The whole world was falling apart before him. The stranger further clarified his statement - “Sarma adopted you from this orphanage when you were three years old. But he did not like you to know about this so far”. Suresh had the shock of his life more than the sentimental separation.
