THE RETROSPECTION
- P.Krishnamoorthy
Dr.Stella Grace gave clearance for Anita’s discharge from the Government Maternity hospital in Bangalore. A week before Anita came there for the delivery. Now that she had offloaded the baby, Anita was pondering over her future life with the baby. Being very selfish in her well-being only, she felt the newborn would be more a burden to her. The baby would also be a stigma and disgrace for her aspirations. As she was thinking over all these aspects, Anita wished her next move to be in line with her ambitions. The initial step towards achieving her objective was to get rid of the child to safe hands. As she was near a railway station, she was hopeful of getting some help inside. She walked to the station and saw the empty parked passenger compartments. A flash of an idea sparked in her mind. Quietly she left the newborn in one of the compartments with the hope some ‘Samaritan’ would pick up the baby. Though she left the infant in a discarding mood, she was emotionally disturbed in parting her infant. She consoled herself as the only option left to her for her future life. She believed that her child would be picked by some kind-hearted soul who would provide care and shelter. In her anxiety, she was hiding to watch at a distance about the result. She offered prayers for a ‘Samaritan' to appear at the scene. Unexpectedly she heard the baby crying. When she attempted to go near the compartment to take care of the baby, a middle-aged couple already noticed the crying child. They looked around and, after ensuring that nobody was coming forward to get the baby, they picked up the baby. To their surprise, the child immediately stopped crying in their hands. The lady reacted as a ‘gift of God’. They were immensely happy and their reaction was distinctly displayed on their faces. Witnessing this happy scenario from her hide-out, Anita was extremely delighted and thanked the Lord for safely securing the child. She came out of the station to decide her next move. A procession of a leading political party exclusively by women in white uniform dress, shouting slogans, was passing by her side. Anita’s saree also was in white since she came from the hospital. Swiftly an idea flashed in her mind. She sneaked into the procession and merged with others to shout the slogans. As Anita had a loud and clear voice, her chanting of slogans was distinctly dominated over others. The leader of the procession got impressed with her voice and also decided to use her later for speech assignments of the party. The party chief also favorably considered her appeal to stay in the party office for preparing the speeches. As time rolled by, Anita’s extempore rhetoric became very popular in various towns and villages. It was in high demand and earned the name of a successful crowd-puller in a short time. Her election speeches were mainly responsible for the party to win the elections with a big lead to form the government. Her exemplary performances in various other challenging assignments, also made the party to recognize her versatile and valuable skills and elevate her to a responsible position in the education ministry. With her hard work she was able to prove her worth in the new challenge and became the education minister. With all these contributing to have her career graph go up to the top, she never failed to look back over her past.
Anita and Akash were good friends in the college. Akash was smart and an extrovert. His father was working in a factory in Singapore and he was alone in Bangalore. They were meeting often and spending time together. Anita developed a passion for him, ending in love with him. Though outwardly Akash displayed as if he was in serious love with Anita, he was flirting with her for his amusement rather than with serious intentions. Unaware of his inner intentions, Anita was passionate and went with him to various places and holiday resorts. Anita’s parents were very conservative and planned her wedding with their relative’s son who was living in Delhi. When Anita completed her college, they initiated the wedding proposal to her. Anita stubbornly refused their proposal and disclosed her love affair with Akash. This made her to pressurize Akash for the wedding. As usual, he was evading the issue of marriage but proposed ‘living together’ concept to her till his parents return from Singapore. Anita agreed on his proposition. Much against her parents and after severe arguments, Anita moved to live with Akash. Their romantic episodes stretched to frequent outstation outings. In one of the hill station trips with an overnight stay, they crossed their romantic limits under the influence of alcohol that made Anita to conceive. Even with this development, Akash was evading the marriage by saying that his parents would come shortly when the wedding would take place. Believing him, Anita continued her living with him. One evening on return from his work, Akash mentioned that he had to go to Mumbai on official assignment and his return would take three months. Anita trusted his words and again pleaded with him for an early wedding. Alas, it was unfortunate Akash never came back to Anita, but she retained his child as a remembrance of Akash whom she passionately loved even after his desertion. On occasions when she recollected past events in her life, she used to curse only her fate, more than accusing Akash of leaving her. The only regret she had in her recollection, was her abandoning the parents for the sake of Akash. She would not go back to them with a stigma as the mother of a child without becoming somebody’s wife. However, she heard from some source about her mother’s death in heart attack and her father moved to Delhi to live with his brother.
In one of her official trips to a neighboring town, she was invited for a lunch by James, the local Mayor in his residence. At the dining table, James introduced his only daughter Christina. On a casual conversation, when asked about her, he said in a depressed voice that she lived her married life only for four years. Realizing her father’s emotions in his reply, Christina said that her husband died in a car accident. She also pointed at the portrait of her husband hung on the wall. When Anita turned to have a glimpse of the portrait, she felt as if the whole world falling apart in pieces. Anita saw Akash in the portrait. To avoid any embarrassment, she buried her emotions and wanted to leave the town immediately. While returning in the car, she was brooding over how Akash lied and deceived her. She felt it was destiny’s directive that he paid the right price of punishment through a car accident for all what he did for her.
Time rolled by and Anita had higher levels of additional responsibilities. Anita was very choosy in accepting social invitations due to her busy official commitments. But she made an exception and accepted the invitation from a local school for school day celebrations as she was longing to meet the children for a long time. On the school day, after hoisting the school flag Anita was to preside over a cultural show. The first program was a music competition. After the performance of some handicapped boys, one blind student by name Raju sang as the last singer. His voice was unique and melodious. His rendering a classical melody touched the hearts of many in the crowd. Anita was no exception. She was touched by his excellent performance. When the judges of the competition declared him as the winner of the first prize, Anita was excited as, according to her, he deserved that prize for his performance.
After presenting the prize to him. she was enquiring details about his parents from the principal. He said “Raju was an orphan picked by him and his wife from a railway compartment twenty years ago. Right from his childhood, he was blind because, during pregnancy, his mother had serious health problems like depression, lack of medical care and undernourishment. All treatments to get Raju’s eyesight proved futile. As we were childless, we considered him a gift given to us by God. Only last year my wife died in heart attack”. On hearing this Anita was emotionally shattered. After a wait of two decades, she was fortunate to see him and heard his melodious voice, but conversely he could not even see and recognize her.
Tears rolled from her eyes. Her guilty conscience tormented her. As she preferred her own single status to become famous and wealthy, that impelled in her leaving him, instead of caring him as a mother. She offered an initial check for one lakh rupees to take care of his living and eye treatment expenses besides committing a sizable monthly amount in his favor. After a moment of silence, the principal returned the check to Anita, whispering that he would prefer the check made in favor of the school and the new block would be named after Raju. When Anita heard the reason for returning the check for the name to be changed, she felt a tremor under her feet and a heavy blow on her head. The principal’s whispered message was Raju would live only for a month as he was undergoing treatment for a fourth stage cancer disease. The impact of the shock turned into tears in her eyes that welled up and burst into uncontrolled sobs. Anita was lost in the torrent of feelings as her joy of seeing him was to be short-lived .
The foul play by Akash marrying Christina had disturbed her immensely. Though Anita was jubilant in the unexpected meeting of Raju after a long spell, her joy was short-lived at Raju’s blindness. His ailment of serious cancer awaiting his end added to her desolation. She was ashamed of her earlier selfish attitude to be single in life without him for the sake of fame and wealth. She even considered him as a stigma for her career development. Now she repented and realized that she was solely responsible for Raju’s present condition. She thanked God for giving at least the opportunity to see him and personally present the award to Raju after two decades. She also realized that whatever the laurels and gains she had achieved in her career life, would not and never compensate for the huge loss as a mother in her personal life.
After a review of her retrospection, Anita was more definite to live a different future life dealing with children, than the one filled with commitments in public life. As a first step, she renounced her Minister portfolio in the government and became a staff member in an orphanage for handicaps. She bequeathed all her movable and immovable properties to orphanages and donated a large sum to Raju’s school new building fund to be named after him. She realized that the real happiness was quite different from inner peace and spiritual calmness. Anita found solace and mental peace in being with the children.
